I understood, realized and repented my mistakes - mistakes that stemmed from my own insecurities, fears and lack of control on my frustration. If I blame circumstances, situations or people - that would be naive and meaningless. Because, ultimately those "reactions" or "behavior" was mine. It is my choice o my ability or my ignorance or mine to have acted in such a way. I realized no matter how others treat you, I should never treat them bad. No matter how others hurt your ego (could be unintentional or immaturity), I should never attack them back.
I am working on never losing patience in relationships - especially the ones that matter a lot - family, friends and love. I should never ever take anybody or anything for granted - that emotional laziness might translate into impatience and you might react immaturely. I have seen it happen in my relationships. Even the best of you - the very noble and good part of you - falls badly to the gutters within seconds if one loses patience and composure.
People and society are least bothered about the trigger but consider you as the uncivilized or the indisciplined. In fact it is right I guess. When in love or true friendship, just give yourself endlessly without ever doubting the person even if hurts. I have a learnt a greatest lesson of my life - never ever analyze, never ever expect change or never ever tell the other person what to do. If they really care or love you, they would understand you and what is better for the relationship. Because of the nature of our jobs - I see we have become analytical, logical and result-oriented. This is overbearing itself on my relationships. But relationships, egos and hearts are very fragile, sensitive and irrational. Never question the friendship, trust and love what you are receiving - for it is the ultimate insult and pain to the person bestowing it upon you. They are the greatest and priceless things in one's life. By questioning or by doubting or by hurrying - whatever may be the circumstances or situations - one kills the beauty and magic of love and friendship.
I have developed a trick to change myself. I always ask "SO WHAT" whenever I feel hurt or insecure. What is the worst thing that can happen now. For example, you discover your beloved lying to you. It is quite natural when to get angry and feel insecure. But instead of losing composure and peace of mind, ask her why did she lie. What was the necessity to lie? Tell her lying ruins the trust and it takes hell lot of work for her to rebuild it. That work will be so much that she might find it suffocating to bear. Another example, if your friend takes your new sweater and loses it. Its human to lose temper, instead control your thoughts and ask "SO WHAT". In fact I did that. I didn't show any anger or frustration on my friend. I exhibited lot of patience and self-control. But there were some moments where I lost. Unfortunately, the people I was with remember only the mistakes I have done and forgot the good things and have hurt me dangerously to the point of insanity. No matter what, no matter how other treat you, I should always behave in the best possible way, in the ideal way. Now I have my life totally ruined and shattered, I am taking these lessons very very seriously to rebuild it. Hopefully I would be strong enough to reconstruct my life from ashes and rubble. God grant me power to think good, be good and act good whatever may be the provocations and situations outside. I want to be what I am all the times.
P.S: Even if someone belittles you, never disparage them back. It hurts their ego painfully and they cant forgive.
