Canine Corporatus!!!
No...not about corporate bitches which are easily found everywhere. Neither it is about those rabies-infected corporate-stray dogs like Sujeeth nor is it about squalid canines such as Rajaraman or PerCash, who fail to qualify even for the categories mentioned.
By corporate dogs, i mean dogs of/for an organization just like dogs at/for home. Meaning is straight and simple. Bulls, bears, stags, hen, parrots, sharks and foxes are all part of our corporate world. Why not our faithful and friendly dog be part of this world? What if each organization has its own pet dog? A dog that belongs to a company. A dog that lives in the company campus. A dog, which can be part of company's security. I think you got a fair idea of what I’m talking about. If each company has its dog, then we call them “Look its Infosys dog" "No no, its Capgemini dog"..."Stupid, are you blind or what?! it is Accenture doggy". And probably veterinary doctors and geeks from scientific brotherhood identify them as "Canine Corporatus!!! And dogs might feel honored for this respectful transformation in their Family name from Vulgaris to Corporatus ;). [I hear an imaginary dog barking "Every dog has his day]
Let’s imagine this to be true. Then, that is my topic. Well then where would you put that dog- in a balance sheet or P-n-L? Do you think it is generating revenues/cash?? For my sake, assume it’s a lazy dog, which strolls around and enjoys its time with the company's security team. Company takes care of it..khana, peena and health but it does nothing eventually (liability or Expenses??) Can you think of how it adds value to company. How should I calculate its depreciation, if one possibly can? What if it’s a she-dog? How would you evaluate this canine asset? Is it based on number of pups that he might give birth to or its impact on the organizations security system? Guys, remember it adds additional costs to company in terms of living expenses, time that employees waste to pet her, and costs expended to clean its poo, here and there, in the campus.
What if pups are born out of an affair between SAP (male dog) and Oracle (female dog)? How would you distribute the new barking-assets? How much ownership does SAP has in this situation? Do tax benefits differ for male and female dogs like male and female employees? If it wags tail or appreciates the smell of any other dog on campus, do you think this risqué can be labeled as sexual harassment and breach of conduct??
What if Microsoft dog (she dog) likes Google's dog (He) and wants to date? Do you contain her sexual freedom in the name of conflict of interest because Microsoft doesn’t like any merger with Goog. Anyways and in any case, we don’t pay this dog for for its services and its loyalty towards company? These two points should raise brows of any watchdogs from animal activist groups, isn’t it?
If this faithful canine colleague performs exceptionally well and exceeds expectations in all Cir-KAMA-stances, Will it be able to break all the corporate ceilings and cross human-animal divide in this world where only performance matters. In accordance with Hindu philosophy, will his phenomenal, effective and progressive life (Karma Yoga) trick Karmic cycles to enable his next birth as a higher being, that is, Homo Corporatus!!
Dear HR, have you considered your dog's this exceptional privilege? Can you apply carry-forward in this case and prompt him through promotion cycles just like Karmic ones so that he is CXO.
Let me stop my stream of thoughts here. Eagerly waiting for your responses..
No...not about corporate bitches which are easily found everywhere. Neither it is about those rabies-infected corporate-stray dogs like Sujeeth nor is it about squalid canines such as Rajaraman or PerCash, who fail to qualify even for the categories mentioned.
By corporate dogs, i mean dogs of/for an organization just like dogs at/for home. Meaning is straight and simple. Bulls, bears, stags, hen, parrots, sharks and foxes are all part of our corporate world. Why not our faithful and friendly dog be part of this world? What if each organization has its own pet dog? A dog that belongs to a company. A dog that lives in the company campus. A dog, which can be part of company's security. I think you got a fair idea of what I’m talking about. If each company has its dog, then we call them “Look its Infosys dog" "No no, its Capgemini dog"..."Stupid, are you blind or what?! it is Accenture doggy". And probably veterinary doctors and geeks from scientific brotherhood identify them as "Canine Corporatus!!! And dogs might feel honored for this respectful transformation in their Family name from Vulgaris to Corporatus ;). [I hear an imaginary dog barking "Every dog has his day]
Let’s imagine this to be true. Then, that is my topic. Well then where would you put that dog- in a balance sheet or P-n-L? Do you think it is generating revenues/cash?? For my sake, assume it’s a lazy dog, which strolls around and enjoys its time with the company's security team. Company takes care of it..khana, peena and health but it does nothing eventually (liability or Expenses??) Can you think of how it adds value to company. How should I calculate its depreciation, if one possibly can? What if it’s a she-dog? How would you evaluate this canine asset? Is it based on number of pups that he might give birth to or its impact on the organizations security system? Guys, remember it adds additional costs to company in terms of living expenses, time that employees waste to pet her, and costs expended to clean its poo, here and there, in the campus.
What if pups are born out of an affair between SAP (male dog) and Oracle (female dog)? How would you distribute the new barking-assets? How much ownership does SAP has in this situation? Do tax benefits differ for male and female dogs like male and female employees? If it wags tail or appreciates the smell of any other dog on campus, do you think this risqué can be labeled as sexual harassment and breach of conduct??
What if Microsoft dog (she dog) likes Google's dog (He) and wants to date? Do you contain her sexual freedom in the name of conflict of interest because Microsoft doesn’t like any merger with Goog. Anyways and in any case, we don’t pay this dog for for its services and its loyalty towards company? These two points should raise brows of any watchdogs from animal activist groups, isn’t it?
If this faithful canine colleague performs exceptionally well and exceeds expectations in all Cir-KAMA-stances, Will it be able to break all the corporate ceilings and cross human-animal divide in this world where only performance matters. In accordance with Hindu philosophy, will his phenomenal, effective and progressive life (Karma Yoga) trick Karmic cycles to enable his next birth as a higher being, that is, Homo Corporatus!!
Dear HR, have you considered your dog's this exceptional privilege? Can you apply carry-forward in this case and prompt him through promotion cycles just like Karmic ones so that he is CXO.
Let me stop my stream of thoughts here. Eagerly waiting for your responses..
